Waiting for the Last Gasp – Adam Overland

Tonight I began the process of restocking my cupboards, which were bare because I cleaned them out when I left and I was gone for over two months. 

I like to keep enough food on hand at any given moment to withstand at least a two-week siege, whatever form that siege may take. Growing up, and still to this day, my mom would outfit the shelves in our old kitchen pantry with hundreds of canned food items. One shelf might contain 50 identical cans of beans, while another held 50 of Manwich. And if the shit hit the fan, I knew we’d be mixing them together, eating nothing but beanwiches for a month. 

Many of these canned goods were either expired, or would soon become expired. They’d sit in that pantry cupboard for years, since they were essentially only to be broken open in case of an emergency and/or during holidays. When a larger gathering called for reinforcements, we might tap into the excess green beans, powdered gravy, and/or cranberry supply. Today, if I looked toward the back of that cupboard in the home where my parents still live, I’m sure I’d find cans from the late 80s, ready to serve in case of nuclear apocalypse. 

My mom likes to keep enough food on hand to withstand, I suppose, about the length of any given Great Depression. A dozen years or so, give or take. This was inherited no doubt from her father and mother, who lived through that time period. Thrift and preparedness were the name of the game. As a result, my mother, to this day, purchases canned goods (and other household items) in quantity whenever they are on sale. 10 of anything for $10 lands in her shopping cart before you can blink. If it was 10 cans of mandarin oranges, into the cupboard they went. If it were 10 bottles of shampoo, they went into the basement, which my brother would later come to refer to as the shopping mall. He’d take friends down and let them pick something out that had duplicates, though rarely was anyone interested. 

Some of this rubbed off on all 5 of us kids, I’m sure, but for me it’s that I like to have a lot of food on hand. I keep fewer non-perishables around than my mom, but still, canned and boxed food are a staple of my cupboard. It doesn’t have to be good food, it just has to be available in quantity. I’d say, oh, about enough cans to eat 3 square meals a day, while having plenty leftover to launch as lethal projectiles toward any potential invaders throughout a 4-day weekend.

So tonight I bought a lot of groceries, 5 full bags or so, just for me, alone in my house. But it’s not enough. I’ll go again this weekend for several more bags, and soon I’ll start to feel safe enough to peek out from behind the blinds while clutching a can of baked beans to see if any rabble is approaching. 

I was reading the other day that a huge percentage of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. More than 50%, I think it was. I wonder if it’s true though. I think some people lie on those surveys (Though I know way too many actually do live paycheck to paycheck). My bank account balance is almost always near 0, but that’s only the bank account balance I tell people about. The bank account balance I keep to myself has more than 0 in it, because, like canned goods, money also helps me feel safe. I know I’m not alone in this. 

I think some people who respond to those surveys are like me—they have money tucked away, and they say they live paycheck to paycheck, and it feels like it, too. Because whatever you do, you can’t touch that money. Like canned goods, that money is there for emergencies. Specifically, that money is there for dying with. 

Still, I’m not rolling in dough. It was payday today, and looking at my checking account, adding the new balance and carrying the 1, plus the interest, gets me to retirement age in about 742 years. 

But after living in a camper for two months, I think I need to reassess. I think I can live on way less than I thought I could, and I bet most others could as well. 

Tomorrow I’m going to do some accounting here, and lay out how much I spent on my trip, and why I think I could have gotten by on way, way less.