Waiting for the Last Gasp – Adam Overland

Farting is likely the oldest joke in the world, one told by humans and our ancestors since perhaps even before we were able to communicate with each other through symbols or language. Before fire even, there were farts. 

When someone farts, at least when it’s a friend or family member, you probably laugh. The laugh may be predicated by a “C’mon,” or “Really?” followed by an exclamation of disgust proportional to the smell, but it’s still a laugh, and it seems to be funny in a mysterious, transcendent kind of way… even an infinite kind of way: essentially the same joke, told slightly differently, as though each individual fart were unique, like a little brown snowflake. 

When the laugh occurs is an interesting consideration. You may laugh from the sound of the fart, which always strikes first. But your laugh will be delayed if it’s a quiet fart, say, by a friend who then looks knowingly at you side-eyed, waiting for the smell to register. For someone who is deaf or hard of hearing, the smell is the fart, which leads to the question of what is the essence of the fart: is it the sound, or is it the fury*?

I think people, at least once our big brains developed in the last 100,000 years or so, probably laughed or grunted (or whatever early communication sounded like) from the very beginning. As art and language arose—consciousness—so too did the recognition of farts. When symbols were drawn on the walls of caves, people in those caves smelled something and likely exited as quickly as possible. 

But when was that first laugh, and who delivered that fart? What a legacy. Whether science has explored this, I’m unsure, but for religion, specifically Christians, the debate has to be between Adam and Eve. My bet is that since Eve ate the apple, she probably did the first fart, which would make Adam the first to laugh (unless Eve laughed at her own fart, which is actually highly probable). 

Still, culturally, it should be noted that farting is more of a humorous consideration among men and our close counterparts, children. It’s just another area where, sadly, society has yet to advance to the point where men and women can fart on equal terms. The fart, like so much else, is trapped under a glass ceiling. 

Which leads to the question of human relations and intimacy—another interesting aspect of the fart. Anyone who’s been in a serious relationship knows that the union is not truly on a solid foundation until it has advanced to farting in front of one another and being okay with it. An “I do” before an “I fart” will almost certainly end in divorce. 

Earlier today in a text thread with friends, I wondered: If I could text the smell of a fart through my phone, and they had the option of accepting or rejecting the phone-fart, would they voluntarily accept it? “If I said it was a really terrible one, wouldn’t you want to know?” I asked. I begged them to consider it, and to be honest. 

One friend said that he wouldn’t accept every fart, but that he would probably accept some of them. Another said he would accept every single fart. This is how I know that I have great friends. (Another friend on the thread chose not to reply, but he had shoulder surgery earlier in the week and is on a lot of painkillers). 

I think I would be in the category of occasionally accepting a texted fart, but only if the friend really sold it as something extraordinary. My friend Joel, for example, has on more than one occasion claimed he has farted a fart that is in the top 50 farts of all time. While it seems suspect that he—among all humans—would have more than one fart in the top 50, if he were able to text that fart my way, I’d probably accept it, because how could you not want to know?

I guess my point is that farting is the joke that keeps on giving. It is a joke that asks for nothing in return. There may be some who act as though they are above the fart. Those who don’t laugh. But since time began, a laugh has usually followed a fart. And if it doesn’t, well… that person probably isn’t someone worth texting a fart to anyway. 

*This is a sly literary reference to a novel by William Fartner.