Waiting for the Last Gasp – Adam Overland

I’m on a text thread with about eight good friends and I recently messaged them that if they could each put me in their will, I think I’d be able to accomplish great things once they pass away. 

I’ve let them all know before that I’m pretty sure I’ll outlive them. My family has some serious longevity, so there’s a good chance, I think, that I’ll see 85 if not 90, and they won’t. For some of them, it’s already not looking good, so I’ve encouraged them, especially, to consider updating their wills sooner rather than later, because again, frankly, it’s not looking good.

And so when I do outlive them, it will first be really sad that they won’t be around anymore, because they are my good friends. But my thinking is, if they left me some money, at least I’d have that to remember them by. And then I could buy to remember them whenever I got lonely. 

Beyond buying cool new stuff all the time to remember them, I’d do some things with that money to honor them and also forward my own agenda, whatever that may be at that age. Because you see, I used to have dreams when I was a younger man—idealistic ones, even. And I could have dreams again if I had money to pay for those dreams to happen. 

If my mind is still intact and active, I’m guessing my agenda might involve publishing a book, or at least more blog posts, and once I get their will money, I’ll be sure to include all their names in the dedication page of my book. 

Usually, you only see authors dedicate a book to one or maybe two people, and then the rest might be in some second-tier acknowledgement section in the back of the book. But if I’m in the wills, I’ll definitely include the names of those dear friends who put me in their will in the front of the book, not way back in the acknowledgement section. That is, unless they leave me less than, say, a grand, in which case I’d put them in the back of the book. Because with inflation, let’s be honest… $1,000 is not going to be much money when I’m 90. 

If, on the other hand, I don’t publish a book, I’ll just include their names in a blog post if blogs are still a thing in 35 to 40 years. If they are not still a thing, I’ll do a little dance or something in their name if that becomes the primary way we communicate in the future, which seems to be our trajectory as a society, which I’m fine with. The dance doesn’t have to be good or long, whereas I find writing to be really hard. I’d rather dance for the money. 

As for my own will and whatever money I have left, I’m not sure what the point is in making one. I don’t have a wife or kids, and my friends will all be dead by the time I go, so who will I even leave the money to? I’m also the youngest of five siblings, so chances are I’ll be an only child someday, and I’ve always wanted to be an only child.

Although, I do have 11 nieces and nephews who will, I hope, outlive me, but I’ve gotten some pretty good Christmas gifts for at least a couple of them over the years, so I’m not sure I owe them anything, and I definitely don’t want to end up leaving them the money my friends left me in their wills, because that money is mine.